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Losing Yourself in Someone Else: Codependency

Codependency can be a development that takes place through hidden increments. At the foundation of codependent tendencies is a set of basic human fears:

I am not worthy

I am not whole

I am not loveable

Should our significant other discover these unconscionable truths, they may leave us. Forgetful that these fears are the fallacy of the human conditions, we adopt them as personalized convictions. Our relationships transform from mutual to one-sided, shifting from healthy to unbalanced.

Codependency is Losing Yourself in Someone Else

Healthy relationships have an open communication channel for limiting what each individual is capable and not capable of doing. Saying “no” is setting a loving boundary with just two letters. Relationships are unbalanced when saying “no” becomes a point of anxiety because saying “yes” has become obligation for one or both partners. Love and service are beautiful parts of any partnership. They are not the same as indentured enslavement. Codependency is when we lose our ability to say “no” out of fear. We might notice that when our partner needs help, we run to their aid. When we are unable to attend to them, we suffer from guilt and anxiety. Unless we are validated by our partner’s need for us in their lives, we feel lost. Our sense of being is defined by how we are needed.

Detached from our inherent strength to set boundaries is the beginning of a decline in our authentic voice. Codependency in a relationship creates fear that our opinions, thoughts, and feelings might scare the other person away. As a result, we cease expressing ourselves as we are. Instead, we speak as we think our partner would prefer us to be heard. We might mimic them entirely. We feel that our being is not as good as theirs, that we are less than them. Ultimately, we are in fear of abandonment and rejection. Allowing fear to dictate how we act as a whole being extinguishes our ability to come from love.

We not only lose sight of our personal power and our voice, we disconnect from our needs entirely. Prioritizing the identity and responsibility of our partner, we forget to focus on our own needs. Friends, family, 12-Step meetings, hobbies, and interests fall to the wayside as our world closes in around our partner.

Enlightened Solutions humbly offers a holistic design for the recovery process to heal the spirit, mind, and body. Our program is rooted in twelve step philosophy as a solution to the problem of drug and alcohol addiction. Call us today for more information on our programs of treatment for men and women seeking recovery 833-801-5483.


Nature: It Does a Body (Image) Good

“The soul expands in response to what it sees”  - Anonymous

We see thousands of media advertisements every day. Digitally altered, these images are selling us on an unrealistic idea of perfection. Perfection according to mainstream media comes in different forms: perfect body, perfect partner, perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect relationship, perfect smile, perfect home, perfect car, perfect kitchen, even perfect laundry. In regards to man made items, there is no such thing as perfect. Some philosophers romanticize the beauty of nature as being the only perfect creations in the world. Roses are remarked as being such a perfect creation, they are protected by thorns. Alice Walker once wrote, “in nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful.” Nature reminds us of our perfect imperfections. When we gaze at a landscape, it is doubtful we spend our time criticizing each imperfect detail of what we see. Instead, we marvel at the magnificence of nature’s whole- a respect we rarely pay to ourselves.

Spending time in nature is good for the mind, body, and spirit. We find ourselves relaxed when we disconnect from those relentless and rigorous demands of daily life and inundating media. Our blood pressure drops and our brain actually expands. New findings from Body Image journal suggest that spending time in nature helps us see ourselves in that very same broad acceptance. Nature enhances our perception of our own bodies.

Adults who spent more time in nature had higher scores in an evaluation of body appreciation. The evaluation included the level of respect one has for their body as well as their level of willingness to reject cultural norms and unreachable ideals perpetuated by the media. High self-esteem, connectedness, and feelings of “oneness” were also common in the adults with high exposure to nature. Positive body image directly correlated with the higher senses of self-esteem and connection.

Being in nature allows us to focus on what our body is capable of versus what is wrong with it- as dictated by daily media messages. As a result, we develop a greater sense of respect for our bodies, feeling physically empowered.

Enlightened Solutions sees the divine transformation of the spirit, mind, and body, that can take place through recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. Our treatment programs for men and women offer a foundation in holistic practices, encouraging complete healing. There is hope. We have a solution. If you or a loved one are suffering, please call 833-801-5483 for more information.


Peace, Balance, Body Positivity

Recovery from drugs addiction and alcoholism is often accompanied by secondary issues like body image. Both men and women suffer from poor senses of self-esteem and self-worth stemming from how they relate to and honor their physical selves. Learning to live without drugs and alcohol requires new ways of thinking, being, and doing. Food, physical activity, and self regard are parts of that formula. So many turn to drug and alcohol as a way of feeling better, or worse, about themselves.

Learn from Your Body

Every day we are burdened with other people’s opinions of how we should look, what we should eat, and how ‘healthy’ is defined. Attempting to abide by these vast generalizations is more harmful than helpful. We live in a world where customization is luxury. Why settle for what everyone else says you need? Learn what your body needs, wants, and likes the most. Explore the foods that are good for your particular body type, blood type, or suit your hormonal needs. Accept the limitations of your physical capacities and work within them. You can spend your life working against your body to satisfy someone else or work with your body to satisfy: you.

Work with Your Body

Running is a great exercise. It burns a ton of calories, is the perfect cardio, and builds endurance. Running is not for everyone. Hard, consistent, repeated impact can damage a person’s ankles, knees, and back. Focusing on physical activity that is damaging instead of fun does not help body image or body positivity. Instead, it exhausts any attempts to be in balance. Pushing your body to its most extremes results in extreme compensation on your body’s behalf. You might find you simply can’t do the things other people can do, which causes you to struggle with maintaining inner peace. Staying in such a state of internal and external conflict is hardly peaceful. This body is the home for your soul. It is unique in it’s needs just like you are.

Recovery through treatment is the time to return to love and heal the wounds of addiction. Enlightened Solutions offers an answer to the unending question of “how did I get here?” There is hope and way out of the struggle which is addiction. Our program offers holistic healing supplemented by 12 step philosophy, treating mind, body, and spirit. Begin your new life here.

Call 833-801-5483 for more information.