Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can be separated into three categories: emotional, physical, and mental. There are other types of boundaries including spiritual and energetic boundaries. Each category has a different meaning as well as a different approach to setting and maintaining it.

Emotional Boundaries

An emotional boundary allows for two things. First, it allows a person to feel and experience their own emotions autonomously. Second, it allows another person to feel and experience their own emotions autonomously. Setting healthy emotional boundaries means that each individual regulates and process their emotions individually. We do not project our emotions onto others, and we don’t allow others to project their emotions onto us. Each person’s emotional responsibility belongs to them only, not to be shared or become burdensome to someone else.

Questions to ask for setting emotional boundaries:

When people express their emotions, can we refrain from trying to ‘fix’ them?

Are we able to assume responsibility for our own emotions without pointing to an external source as the cause?

Do we have the ability to inform someone how we would like to be spoken to?

Physical Boundaries

Tangible and visible, physical boundaries may seem easier to set than emotional boundaries. Some people are challenged in obeying any boundaries, regardless of their obviousness. Personal space means personal space. By creating lines of demarcation around objects, spaces, and the body, we set rules for interaction. Physical boundaries help us take care of ourselves while demonstrating for others how we need to be taken care of.

Questions to ask for setting emotional boundaries:

How much physical space are we comfortable with around another person?

What kind of physical limitations do we need with ourselves? I.e., amount of hours for sleep, time spent alone, self-care, etc.

Can we communicate the kind of touch we are and are not okay with?

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries are similar to emotional boundaries. We set emotional boundaries so we can maintain ownership of our thoughts and allow others to do the same. Mental boundaries help us protect ourselves against demanding opinions or manipulative behaviors. With strong mental boundaries we are able to reject coercion.

Questions to ask for setting mental boundaries:

Are we comfortable with our own thoughts and opinions?

Can we be comfortable knowing other people have rights to their own thoughts and opinions?

Do we know the difference between the two?

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