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How to Calm Down When You Are Quick to Anger

Anger is an easy emotion to turn to when you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Anger can come naturally to all of us, but it can also turn away our loved ones if we are not careful. By learning to take control of your anger, you will learn to express your anger in healthy ways that will not push your loved ones away. 


One effective method of keeping your anger in check is by practicing mindfulness breathing when your anger is beginning to get more intense. Try counting backward from ten. When we get angry, our fight or flight responses tend to take over which makes it hard for us to come up with successful problem-solving solutions. If we focus on our deep breathing instead of our problems, we will be able to problem-solve better and have a clear head.

Jot Down Your Thoughts

You do not want to say something to someone that you do not mean or will hurt their feelings. We tend to say things in anger without thinking about the people we hurt. That is why you should write down your thoughts to avoid saying them all out loud. For example, if someone on the phone says something to anger you, tell them you will call them back and then write down what is going on in your head. This will lift a huge weight off of your chest and help you organize your thoughts. Then, you can call your friend back when you have calmed down and still express your anger but in a way where no one gets hurt.

Distract Yourself

When we are angry, we tend to be too focused on our emotions to think of anything else. If we got into a fight with someone, we may be focused so much on that fight and the things that we said that it takes over everything. Take a few minutes to find some distracting activities to take your mind off something else. It can be playing a game or reading. You should be able to see your emotions shift when you surround yourself by activities that make you happy even if the problems that make you angry still exist.

Focus on Yourself

You may think that your anger is the most important thing happening to you right now. The truth is that nothing could be more important than your health. You cannot forget to take care of yourself. This means taking a shower, exercising, seeing your therapist, and being with your loved ones. Taking care of yourself will help yourself feel calmer. You should also take care of yourself in the evening by giving yourself a warm bath, listening to smooth music, or reading a book. All of these self-care tactics will help put you in a better place by the morning.

Evaluate Your Anger

Everyone’s anger works differently. Some people will yell really loud, others will slam doors, and others could be violent. Scale your own anger to increase your chances of calming down. Think about what happens to you when you get angry, what you do, and how you feel. Scale it from 1 to 10 with 10 being the most angry. If your anger is at a 9, then ask yourself what you can do to lower it to an 8 or a 7. You can even ask your partner, friend or family member to help you out with this.

Choose Not to Be Angry

When something bad happens, know that anger does not have to be the go-to emotion all the time. We can choose to feel differently even if it takes a while. Once we are aware of our anger, how we express it and see who we are turning away, we realize that we do not have to react this way. We can be bigger people and rise above the anger if we know we have the option to. 

Control Yourself

Sometimes, anger has a way of killing us if we do not control it. For example, if you got into an angry phone call while you are in the car, you could end up getting into a car accident if you keep yelling or putting yourself in a frenzy. You could be hurt yourself, the people in the car, and the people on the road. If you are aware of what angers you, come up with a plan of what to do when those moments come, like taking a breather, going into another room by yourself, or pulling the car over. Ask if your anger is worth all of the hurt that can come to yourself and others in the future.

Think of Your Emotions

Anger is normally triggered by an initial emotion. It can be fear, embarrassment, jealousy, disappointment, or sadness. Anger is what people do to mask the initial emotion to avoid crying and looking weak. Your anger probably has good intentions in trying to make you strong, but it will only leave you feared and hurt by others. You can experience these initial emotions by staying in control and keeping your honor, dignity, and self-respect. You may be trying to get these things through anger without realizing that your anger is destroying it. It is human to be angry, but it is important to have control over it so that you can convey you are upset without hurting anyone in the process.

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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