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Moving On From the Grief of a Breakup

Getting over a breakup can be a very hard thing to do. You grieve just like you would any other tragedy when this is something that you do not see coming and you have to picture your life without your partner around. By finding ways to occupy your time and focusing on yourself as a person, you will be able to move on from the grief of your recent breakup.

Searching for Answers

You may have thought everything was going great between you and your partner. Then out of nowhere, he or she tells you that it is not working out even though it was working for you. You become obsessed with finding out why this has happened and you keep replaying your whole relationship in your head until it makes you sick. You may have a lack of sleep as all you can think about is the pain and confusion. This may cause you to ask your friends, family, co-workers, or anyone else who has seen the two of you together to tell you what was wrong. At the same time, you are spending your time telling yourself that all of those potential problems were not worth a breakup.


Denial can be a hard emotion to get out of. You were not ready for your world to change and to accept these new changes. This places you to continue to stay in that world where you and your partner were happy because you felt safe. You do not want to believe that this relationship is over, so you will do everything that you can to save it. It can mean constantly calling, texting, or visiting your ex-partner until they want to get back together with you. You do not want to grieve because you know how painful that will be for you. This will mean that you will temporarily hold off on grieving by trying to save your relationship from crumbling.


Because you know how painful it is to be sad about the loss of your romantic relationship, you instead feel like it is easier to be angry. This anger can mean that you will lash out at your partner whenever you see them to break their hearts just like they broke yours. You may also direct anger at yourself in that you know whatever it was you did cannot be undone, leaving you to self-harm or take part in dangerous tasks with no thought to what will happen to you. The truth is that being angry at your ex-partner or yourself will not turn things back to the way they were. That you may be trying to avoid the grieving process without knowing that anger is part of it.


You might feel that by accepting your relationship is over, it means that you are giving up and surrendering. Acceptance only means that you are in tune with reality. You are telling yourself that it is over between you and your partner because you have to. You are more aware now that you and your partner are not meant to be. Boundaries will have to be a key thing that both you and your ex-partner will have to establish. It can be harder not to see your ex if you both have children. The point is to limit the time you two spend together and to find other focuses as a healthy distraction to what you have lost. For the sake of your mental health, you need to learn to let go of some things instead of holding on.


Hope is a new emotion you will experience during the grief of your failed relationship. Your hope is not directed at your relationship being fixed, but being able to live without your partner. It is hard to hope for something that you have no idea what will become later. But you can have hope that you will be able to smile again and save your energy towards your job, your children, or someone new in your life that will fill in the holes in your heart that your ex-partner created.


While you may not have a partner anymore to look good for, look good for yourself instead. This means showering, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep. Make sure to spend a lot of time with your friends and family as they can provide you with a sense of comfort and show you that you can experience love all around you. Get back to your regular routine of taking care of your children, pets, and going to work on time. Do not use drugs or alcohol as a method of coping as all it will come to is you wasting yourself away and making your grieving symptoms worse. This is also a good opportunity to explore new interests and activities to draw your energy on and make you happy.

Learn From Breakup

To provide yourself with closure as you look back on your old relationship, think of what problems you two were facing as well as if you intend to repeat those mistakes or go after the wrong type of person again. Do not see a breakup solely as a loss of something. After grieving from a breakup, you will realize that this is an opportunity to meet people who are better for you and to learn to love yourself. 

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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