Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships

Before an addict enters treatment there are many aspects of life are lacking. When abusing substances it is hard to main healthy relationships with friends and family. Depending on how functioning the addict was, the range of seclusion varied from those who had only good intent. Some were able to hide their addiction well, while others fell into a life of isolation only allowing others who were enabling their usage. Addicts in the disease push out everyone in their life who might get in their way of getting high. It may get to the point where the addict only communicates with other addicts and/or drug dealers. It’s an extremely lonely feeling for the addict and it becomes easy to slip into the victim role. Until the addict decides to accept recovery, more loved ones tend to slip away.

Upon entering treatment the addict is suggested to cut off contact with others who are still using. It’s time to move forward and never look back. When the addict regains their healthy state of mind, they will find that they will attract others who live healthy lifestyles. The addict who learns how to set boundaries with friends and family will find a new confidence within. There are those who are “people pleasers” and those who are more controlling but both need to know the balance between the two. Boundaries help the addict feel safe and secure in any relationship. Although it’s recommended not to get in a relationship the first year of sobriety, when the addict it ready, this applies to romantic relationships as well. The concept that “two sicks, don’t make a well” can offer a simple explanation. If a relationship doesn’t serve the addict, it’s okay to move on. No one is forcing a relationship on anyone and although it may be painful, it’s apart of life that will need to be handled properly. It may be uncomfortable but that’s part of the transformation.

The addict becomes aware again of the importance of the intuition. In early recovery, it’s essential to listen to the treatment staff or others who support the addict’s recovery. After some time of sobriety, the addict will be able to feel in their gut or intuition who they should surround themselves. Boundaries can difficult to set and it takes practice. It’s suggested the addict attend support groups which will be a learning experience in boundaries setting right off the bat. Following the recommendations of others who manage well in sobriety, can give the addict an example to follow. Once the addict establishes relationships in life, there will be less of a need to numb the resentful communications with others. The law of attraction will come into play, and the addict will be able to let go of the painful past a little more each day.

If you are struggling with addiction, Enlightened Solutions offers group therapy geared towards maintaining healthy relationships while boundaries. With our holistic, clinical, and 12-step approach, an addicted loved one can learn how to respect themselves and others. Come to New Jersey and begin your path to recovery today: 833-801-5483.

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Losing Yourself in Someone Else: Codependency

Codependency can be a development that takes place through hidden increments. At the foundation of codependent tendencies is a set of basic human fears:

I am not worthy

I am not whole

I am not loveable

Should our significant other discover these unconscionable truths, they may leave us. Forgetful that these fears are the fallacy of the human conditions, we adopt them as personalized convictions. Our relationships transform from mutual to one-sided, shifting from healthy to unbalanced.

Codependency is Losing Yourself in Someone Else

Healthy relationships have an open communication channel for limiting what each individual is capable and not capable of doing. Saying “no” is setting a loving boundary with just two letters. Relationships are unbalanced when saying “no” becomes a point of anxiety because saying “yes” has become obligation for one or both partners. Love and service are beautiful parts of any partnership. They are not the same as indentured enslavement. Codependency is when we lose our ability to say “no” out of fear. We might notice that when our partner needs help, we run to their aid. When we are unable to attend to them, we suffer from guilt and anxiety. Unless we are validated by our partner’s need for us in their lives, we feel lost. Our sense of being is defined by how we are needed.

Detached from our inherent strength to set boundaries is the beginning of a decline in our authentic voice. Codependency in a relationship creates fear that our opinions, thoughts, and feelings might scare the other person away. As a result, we cease expressing ourselves as we are. Instead, we speak as we think our partner would prefer us to be heard. We might mimic them entirely. We feel that our being is not as good as theirs, that we are less than them. Ultimately, we are in fear of abandonment and rejection. Allowing fear to dictate how we act as a whole being extinguishes our ability to come from love.

We not only lose sight of our personal power and our voice, we disconnect from our needs entirely. Prioritizing the identity and responsibility of our partner, we forget to focus on our own needs. Friends, family, 12-Step meetings, hobbies, and interests fall to the wayside as our world closes in around our partner.

Enlightened Solutions humbly offers a holistic design for the recovery process to heal the spirit, mind, and body. Our program is rooted in twelve step philosophy as a solution to the problem of drug and alcohol addiction. Call us today for more information on our programs of treatment for men and women seeking recovery 833-801-5483.