Picking Yourself After Unemployment Grief

Picking Yourself After Unemployment Grief

It can be very stressful to lose your job. You feel like hope is lost and you will never find another job again. Even though the stress of unemployment can seem overwhelming, it is important to keep your head up high and never give up trying to better your life in order to take care of your mental health.

The Stress of Job Loss

Losing your job means that you lost how to make a living and support yourself and your family. Jobs give us structure and meaning in our lives where we use our positions at work to define ourselves and gives us something to do every day. Losing a job can mean you have lost your professional identity, self-esteem, daily routine, and sense of security. This can cause you to put yourself in a deep depression where you do not even bother applying to other jobs in fear that you will suffer rejection or lose that particular job as well. The reality is that you need to support yourself and staying in a depressive state will not help you in your grief. Making daily efforts to get hired will prove to yourself you are strong.

Change Your Negative Thoughts

Instead of thinking of losing your job as the end of the world, just see it as a temporary setback. The greatest people in the history books have had obstacles and setbacks to overcome, but they did not rise back up by giving up. All you can do is learn from experience and try again. Think about something new that you are looking for that you wish you had at your previous employment. You can also express your feelings differently. That means instead of wasting yourself away with drugs and alcohol, write your thoughts down in a journal to look at your situation in a realistic light and write a plan down on what you need to do to find your next job.

Talk to Someone

Normally when someone loses their job, they tend to stay away from their friends and family. They feel embarrassed to have to tell them that their job did not work out and that they are back to square one. Remember that everyone has been in your shoes before when it comes to job searching. It can be a long and tedious process, but it will be worth it when you finally get to your dream job. If you are afraid that your loved ones will be criticizing your job hunting tactics and push their opinions onto you on what you should do, just tell them you just want a listener. Judgment is not going to help you find a job faster, but knowing someone is willing to give their time to listen to you without any interruptions will make a lot of difference. Just open up to someone that you trust so that you are not keeping your feelings inside with no one to know about them.

Build Relationships

Expanding your social life can be beneficial in looking for a new job. You can do this by joining a class or a club where you can meet people who have connections. There are job hunting clubs where people exchange business cards with each other, support each other in their unemployment grief, and offer solutions. Volunteering is another great way to help you get out into the community and make connections. You may discover through your volunteering that you have skills you did not know you had that can be added to your resume like being a leader, organized, attentive, quick thinking, etc.

Stay Positive

You may have been used to having the same routine when you had a group where you wake up at this certain time and come home at this certain time. The truth is that you still can except instead of waking up to go to work, wake up to begin your job search. You can go to the library or a cafe to be in a different environment than your home. Make a job searching plan of where you plan on job searching such as online job boards, newspapers, businesses to call, etc. Whenever you are feeling down, look at the part of your resume where you have listed your skills. This should make you feel good about yourself having skills that many others do not have that make you appealing to businesses. 

It is important to think about what you can control. You cannot control whether or not an employer calls you back or likes your application. All you can do is keep applying instead of waiting for an email or by the phone to hear back from that one company. Do not stop applying. The worst that can happen to you is that you hear back from a lot of companies and you have choices to make about where you want to work. Think if there are any new skills that you can learn, fix your resume or cover letter, or look back at the business cards you have collected and figure out who you can call. Telling yourself that you are going to give up finding a job will not help you find a job. The important thing you can do to ensure that you are no longer depressed about unemployment is doing everything you can to find a job and making positive connections along the way.


Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12-Step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

substance abuse addiction treatment new jersey

Things Contributing To Negative Self-Thinking

Negative self-thinking is exactly as it sounds: the negative thoughts one thinks about themselves. Do you have negative self-thinking? Most people have at least one thing they hold high above their own heads, something that just isn’t...right. Whether a physical imperfection, emotional imperfection, or a work-oriented imperfection- one might think more highly of themselves, if only that one thing would change.

“Ego says: once everything falls into place, I will find peace. Spirit says: find peace and everything will fall into place.” The drive for some kind of perfection is a matter of acceptance. We often feel that we cannot be accepted and loved by others unless we achieve this expectation of perfection. It is true that there are thousands of messages being sold by the media each day to convince us of just how imperfect and unloveable we are. To absorb and consume those messages and make them into our own thoughts is a matter of ego. Our ego believes in perfection because our ego likes to think it might be achievable. Spirit, on the other hand, the spiritual soul by which we learn to live in recovery, does not need perfection. Spirit lives in acceptance, transcending the ideas of perfect or imperfect. While the ego is in constant struggle, the spirit is content with simply being.

Negative thinking is the result of beliefs and habits that form over time due to certain blockages we set up. The more we feed the ego, the more we block the spirit. One way we do that is by punishing who we are. The freckles on our face, the way we snort when we laugh, or our difficulty in certain school subjects makes us unique. Assuming and deciding that there is something defective with us is damaging to the spirit which sees everything with an unconditional love. Another way we block the spirit with ego is by refusing to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness means, by one definition, giving up all hope of a better past. Through addiction, alcoholism, eating disorders, and other harmful habits or ways of thinking, we punish ourselves for our faults. Somehow we think hurting ourselves in this way in the present will help change the way we’ve been our whole lives- the way we were meant to be. Forgiving means taking a weight off our own shoulders, being able to breathe, love, and accept who we are. Until we can forgive ourselves, we continue to have negative self thinking because, if for no other reason, we do not think we are worth being forgiven or worth living without punishment.


Recovery is a beautiful process of healing for mind, body, ego, and spirit. Enlightened Solutions uses the philosophy behind holistic and spiritual practice in conjunction with 12 step philosophy and evidence based practices to create a wholesome approach to treatment. Serving dual diagnosis needs of substance use disorders and mental health disorders, we welcome anyone to call for help. 833-801-5483

Are You Holding Your Expectations Too High?

After cleaning house with others in your life is done, you have yourself to reconcile with. Having a hard time forgiving yourself? You might be holding expectations of yourself too high.

You Feel Constantly Inadequate

You realize that everyone else seems satisfied with you, except for you. When someone pays you a compliment, you find it hard to take. If only they knew, you think to yourself, how untrue that statement was. For various reasons in life we come to stop believing in ourselves and our self-worth. We might have received harsh criticisms, experienced bullying, or found ourselves neglected from a parent’s love. Whatever the emotional trauma, the message from that experience told us to believe we weren’t good enough. Letting go of inadequacy is only possible by finding and holding on to feelings of adequacy, worthiness, deservedness, and self-worth. Recognize that you are in control of how you feel compared to others, including yourself.


You Think There’s Something Wrong With Your Life

Through recovery, we find our authentic selves and take actionable strides towards living authentically. Having decided who we are, who we want to be, and how we want to live, we’ve embraced that fully. Yet, at the slightest notice, we become remarkably insecure. We know that our expectations of ourselves are too high when we can’t be in acceptance of where life is at the moment. You might find that you rationalize or justify the state of your life because you don’t think it’s good enough. Remember, the grass isn’t always greener, so stop and smell the roses where you are.


You Are Convinced You Are A Disappointment

Expectations are, as we say in recovery, a highway to disappointments. Disappointments most dangerously lead to resentments. Having a resentment towards yourself for not meeting your own unreasonable expectations is a tormenting place to be. Self-loathing leads to self-centeredness which is, for persons in recovery, a red level warning area. Additionally, you might start to think you’re disappointing everyone else. Though it sounds self-conscious, it is more self-obsessed. To be convinced of everyone’s disappointment means to think everyone is constantly thinking about you. It is unlikely. Let yourself be where you are in all of your accomplishments, one day at a time.


Enlightened Solutions is committed to providing excellence in care to men and women who are seeking liberation from their abusive relationships with drugs and alcohol. Our beautiful facility offers peace and tranquility to support our integrative program. We incorporate 12 step philosophy with holistic methods of treatment. If you are concerned about your problems with drinking, drug use, and co-occurring disorders, call Enlightened Solutions today. Recovery starts with you. Start by calling us. 833-801-5483.