How to Stop Feeling Like You Have to Fix Yourself

How to Stop Feeling Like You Have to Fix Yourself

Many of us working towards recovery take our healing very seriously. We commit to personal development, self-care, spiritual practice and accountability. In this process, however, we can come to view ourselves as being flawed. We feel as though we have to fix ourselves. This can make us feel inadequate, like something is inherently wrong with us. When we make ourselves feel this way, we’re actually doing ourselves a disservice in our recovery. We’re holding ourselves back and limiting our progress because subconsciously we think we aren’t good enough as we are.

Striving for self-improvement and growth are important for our evolution, but we can operate from a place of encouragement rather than self-disparagement. We can choose to believe in our goodness rather than fixating on our flaws. We can see ourselves as whole beings with potential for growth rather than as imperfect people needing to be fixed. The things we want to improve upon in ourselves only make us stronger; they don’t imply we weren’t good enough already.

When we constantly feel as though we have to fix ourselves, we set out on a quest for perfection that is simply unattainable. We beat ourselves up for every perceived inadequacy in our character. We have to accept our flaws and imperfections as part of the unique individuals we are. We have to learn to have self-acceptance, including everything we don’t love about ourselves, not despite it.

To combat our ingrained feelings of inadequacy, let’s work to change our self-talk. Let’s practice affirming, “I am good enough. I am growing and evolving. I am whole and perfect as I am.” Catch yourself when you start telling yourself you aren’t good enough. Shed your habits of comparing and competing with other people. Heal jealousy and envy by recognizing that we all have light to add to the world, and none of us is better than anyone else.

Personal development adds to our growth and can aid in our recovery, but when we take it too far and constantly feel like there are things we need to fix, we stunt our growth instead. We sometimes can feel like we’re on a never-ending search for improvement. Every day we’re taking inventory of where we need to improve. Take some time to stop fixing, and just start living. Learn to be in the present moment. Embrace the beauty that is everywhere around and within you. Practice gratitude for everything you appreciate about yourself and your life. Let yourself enjoy the rewards of all your hard work.

The treatment programs at Enlightened Solutions include holistic healing modalities that work to heal mind, body and spirit. Call (833) 801-LIVE today for more information.


Are You A Good Listener? Ways You Can Improve

Listening isn’t always as easy as it seems. We say we want to listen to our loved ones, that we are available to them whenever they need us. We want them to know that when they are struggling and need an ear to reach out to, ours are worthy to volunteer and listen. Are we truly prepared to hear what they have to say? Do we listen to them with an open heart and truly validate their experiences? Or might we still have residual pain due to the wreckage they caused in the past with their drinking and using? If we do, its likely we only listen to what we want to hear. We look for opportunities to prove ourselves right, to assert our authority, or to defend our positions. Perhaps we are filled with guilt and shame for not knowing when our loved one was asking for help- all those times when we should have been listening, but we weren’t.

Recovery and all of the work our loved ones are doing in treatment is teaching them many important lessons. One of them is to let go of the past and live as fully in the present moment as possible. Without holding onto anxiety about the future or worry about the past, our loved ones are finding themselves capable of being authentic and present in each moment of their lives. Listening is a practical way to apply present moment mindfulness to our new relationships building with loved ones in recovery.

Encourage Introspection Rather Than Investigate

We can be incredibly nosy and suspicious as the trusted family members of a loved one in treatment. Instead of truly searching for what is going on with our loved ones, we start to investigate them for what might be going on. For listening it is best to apply “innocent until proven guilty”. Ask them what is happening inside instead of accusatory statements like “what’s going on with you” or “what’s wrong”.

Remember That You’re Human, Too

Nobody is perfect. Consequently, we are all prone to being imperfect. If you find you want to fix, advise, control, or prevent something your loved one is talking about you are heading in the wrong direction. Now more than ever your loved one needs to know they are not deserving of the shame and guilt which comes with addiction and alcoholism or any co-occurring mental health disorders. Give subtle cues like head nods and non-verbal sounds which indicate you understand their struggle, even if you don’t get the details.

Enlightened Solutions believes it is possible for the family to heal. Our treatment programs include opportunities for family therapy and intensive family programming weekends in which loved ones come together in recovery. For more information on our partial care programs, call us today at 833-801-5483.