Romantic Relationships Archives - Enlightened Solutions

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Moving On From the Grief of a Breakup

Written by enlightened solutions on October 5, 2019. Posted in Mental Health, Relationships. Leave a Comment

Getting over a breakup can be a very hard thing to do. You grieve just like you would any other tragedy when this is something that you do not see coming and you have to picture your life without your partner around. By finding ways to occupy your time and focusing on yourself as a person, you will be able to move on from the grief of your recent breakup.

Searching for Answers

You may have thought everything was going great between you and your partner. Then out of nowhere, he or she tells you that it is not working out even though it was working for you. You become obsessed with finding out why this has happened and you keep replaying your whole relationship in your head until it makes you sick. You may have a lack of sleep as all you can think about is the pain and confusion. This may cause you to ask your friends, family, co-workers, or anyone else who has seen the two of you together to tell you what was wrong. At the same time, you are spending your time telling yourself that all of those potential problems were not worth a breakup.

Denial

Denial can be a hard emotion to get out of. You were not ready for your world to change and to accept these new changes. This places you to continue to stay in that world where you and your partner were happy because you felt safe. You do not want to believe that this relationship is over, so you will do everything that you can to save it. It can mean constantly calling, texting, or visiting your ex-partner until they want to get back together with you. You do not want to grieve because you know how painful that will be for you. This will mean that you will temporarily hold off on grieving by trying to save your relationship from crumbling.

Anger

Because you know how painful it is to be sad about the loss of your romantic relationship, you instead feel like it is easier to be angry. This anger can mean that you will lash out at your partner whenever you see them to break their hearts just like they broke yours. You may also direct anger at yourself in that you know whatever it was you did cannot be undone, leaving you to self-harm or take part in dangerous tasks with no thought to what will happen to you. The truth is that being angry at your ex-partner or yourself will not turn things back to the way they were. That you may be trying to avoid the grieving process without knowing that anger is part of it.

Acceptance

You might feel that by accepting your relationship is over, it means that you are giving up and surrendering. Acceptance only means that you are in tune with reality. You are telling yourself that it is over between you and your partner because you have to. You are more aware now that you and your partner are not meant to be. Boundaries will have to be a key thing that both you and your ex-partner will have to establish. It can be harder not to see your ex if you both have children. The point is to limit the time you two spend together and to find other focuses as a healthy distraction to what you have lost. For the sake of your mental health, you need to learn to let go of some things instead of holding on.

Hope

Hope is a new emotion you will experience during the grief of your failed relationship. Your hope is not directed at your relationship being fixed, but being able to live without your partner. It is hard to hope for something that you have no idea what will become later. But you can have hope that you will be able to smile again and save your energy towards your job, your children, or someone new in your life that will fill in the holes in your heart that your ex-partner created.

Self-Care

While you may not have a partner anymore to look good for, look good for yourself instead. This means showering, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep. Make sure to spend a lot of time with your friends and family as they can provide you with a sense of comfort and show you that you can experience love all around you. Get back to your regular routine of taking care of your children, pets, and going to work on time. Do not use drugs or alcohol as a method of coping as all it will come to is you wasting yourself away and making your grieving symptoms worse. This is also a good opportunity to explore new interests and activities to draw your energy on and make you happy.

Learn From Breakup

To provide yourself with closure as you look back on your old relationship, think of what problems you two were facing as well as if you intend to repeat those mistakes or go after the wrong type of person again. Do not see a breakup solely as a loss of something. After grieving from a breakup, you will realize that this is an opportunity to meet people who are better for you and to learn to love yourself.

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

How to Treat Your Partner If They Have Porn Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on August 14, 2019. Posted in Addiction, treatment. Leave a Comment

Having a partner who is obsessed with porn can cause you to have a low opinion of yourself. It can cause you to have trouble concentrating, have mood swings, anxiety, and feeling hopeless that you will ever be enough for your partner. According to marriage and family therapist Nicole Colby, it is important for you to change the way you feel about yourself as a result of your partner’s porn addiction so that you can change the direction of your thoughts to thinking about your partner getting treatment.

Effects of Partner’s Addiction to Porn

Dating or being married to someone with a porn addiction can have a significant effect on you. You could be feeling betrayed and rejected in that you feel like your husband is cheating on you with pornographic videos or images. You could be blaming yourself for everything in thinking that your partner’s addiction to porn is normal and that you are just being jealous. You could also be thinking there is something wrong with you and that maybe you could make yourself more desirable so that your partner does not feel a need for porn. The truth is that porn addiction is no different than drug addiction in that you cannot blame a particular person for an addiction. Once you admit to yourself that your partner has an addiction, the faster it will be for them to seek help.

You Yourself Cannot Cure It

Do not feel that because you are in a relationship with someone who has a porn addiction that it is up to you to fix it. Especially if you feel like the reason for the addiction is your fault. You could be thinking that you could have been attractive enough that he or she would not feel like they need to subject themselves to porn. Your partner’s addiction to porn is not your fault. It is not about you. Because porn is so available and accessible, it is easy to acquire it in order to find pleasure whenever you need it. This is something that your partner needs to deal with.

Support Groups

Do not feel like you are the only one who has a partner with an addiction to porn. All of those feelings of isolation, rejection, betrayal, anxiety, and anything else you are feeling, others are feeling the same way too. Groups like S-Anon are a support group for families of those who are struggling with sex addiction. You can achieve the support and connection that you have been longing for. You can also speak to a therapist that is trained in sex addiction and can help you better understand it and tell you what to do about your partner.

Reach Out

Do not feel afraid to tell someone about what you are feeling. You may be feeling ashamed of your partner which can make you withdraw from your loved ones in fear of them asking you how you and your partner are doing. You do not want to lie to them, so you feel it is best to take yourself out of the picture. You may be feeling lost, scared, and have no idea what to do. That is where your family and friends come in so that you do not have to keep these feelings buried in. Remember that you do not have to reach out if you do not feel ready or comfortable to do so. Just know that there will always be someone around you who can make you feel better.

Hobbies

It can be hard to help you live your life knowing that your partner is struggling with their porn addiction or is currently in recovery. Being there for your partner may have caused you to withdraw from activities that you were always a part of. Engaging in a hobby can help you stay grounded and give you a good distraction from feeling too dependent on helping your partner. Trust that they are under a great deal of care and that you can engage in a hobby without worrying about them. You can also help your partner engage in a new hobby to distract them away from porn. Depending on your partner’s interest, encourage him or her to join a group to be around others with the same interest.

Talk To Your Partner

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in regards to your partner’s porn addiction is denying it. By not talking about it or treating it like it is a typical thing to do, you are only letting the problem grow worse. Speak to your partner about their behavior and how it does not only affect them but affect you too. Let them know that you know that they are not a bad person, but are exhibiting harmful behaviors that need to change. Help identify what the stem of their addiction is and to stop assuming that it is all about you.

Once you have an idea of what is causing your partner’s addiction, encourage your partner to speak to a therapist, go to a 12-Step meeting or rehab for sex addiction. Celebrate all of the accomplishments they make such as going through a whole morning without looking at porn. Even accomplishments that may seem very small can help make a world of difference. Once your partner understands how this is affecting you, they will care enough to get themselves help, strengthening your relationship.

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Solutions is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please contact us as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.