shame Archives - Enlightened Solutions

A man suffering from both shame and addiction.

The Close Connection Between Shame and Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on June 25, 2023. Posted in Addiction, Recovery. Leave a Comment

Individuals who struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction are no strangers to feelings of guilt and shame. The very nature of addiction leads to a range of reprehensible behaviors, from lying, stealing, and pawning family heirlooms to compromising personal morals and values. It is no surprise that those who are new to addiction recovery often have a fair amount of shame to sort through.

Before entering treatment, you might find it difficult to look at yourself in the mirror. The guilt and shame you accumulated during your active addiction might feel overwhelming — too difficult to even begin addressing. Fortunately, with the right tools in place, you can successfully overcome everything that is holding you back from a fulfilling life of recovery.

At Enlightened Solutions, we believe that addiction is a chronic health condition that can be effectively treated. Behavioral changes are merely a symptom of this condition. The way you behaved while active in addiction is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Not only will we help you rediscover who you are, but we will also help you foster an invaluable and unshakable sense of self-compassion.

What are Guilt and Shame?

Shame and guilt are often used interchangeably. However, there is a closer link between shame and addiction than guilt and addiction. The two emotional experiences are different. It is an important distinction to make in the context of addiction recovery.

What is Guilt?

Guilt is a feeling a person experiences when they perceive they did something wrong. Feelings of guilt can be fairly superficial and are generally resolved rather quickly. For example, a person might feel guilty about eating the last slice of pizza at a party or watching an episode of a television show after promising someone they would wait. Over time, feelings of guilt subside.

What is Shame?

Shame is an overwhelming and persistent feeling that makes a person believe they are bad, wrong, or flawed. Oftentimes, shame is not tied to a specific event or external circumstance. It comes from within, which makes it significantly more difficult to shake.

The Connection Between Shame and Addiction

The behaviors people are inclined to carry out while in the throes of active addiction can instigate feelings of shame. People behave in ways that make them feel bad about themselves. Even the act of continuing to drink or use drugs despite repeated attempts to quit can lead to feelings of shame. Furthermore, shame often facilitates and exacerbates addiction. The more shame a person feels, the more likely they are to self-medicate with chemical substances.

The good news is that shame dissipates the longer a person stays sober and puts the work in on themselves. Like other uncomfortable emotions, shame will fade over time. It fades even more quickly when a person works through a multi-staged treatment process and dives headfirst into intensive therapy. At Enlightened Solutions, we focus on helping our clients work through shame and regain a stable sense of self-esteem.

Working Through Feelings of Guilt and Shame

How can a person begin tackling deep-rooted feelings of shame? Is it important to acknowledge that emotional recovery is a process, and uncomfortable feelings will not resolve overnight? The best way to work through feelings of shame is by working to develop a stable sense of self and an understanding of the Disease Model of Addiction.

Both self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are crucial to the addiction recovery process. It is important to understand that people who suffer from addictive disorders lose control over their substance use. They feel compelled to go to any length to continue using their substance of choice. Oftentimes, this means behaving in ways that they would never normally behave.

Tips for Coping with Guilt and Shame in Addiction Recovery

There are many effective ways to cope with lingering feelings of guilt and shame in addiction recovery. We recommend the following:

Find a licensed therapist who can help identify the causes of the shame and work through uncomfortable feelings in healthy and productive ways.
Become an active member of a 12-Step program like Alcoholics Anonymous.
Engage in acts of service, like volunteering at a local homeless shelter, picking up a service commitment at a 12-Step meeting, or helping an elderly neighbor carry out household chores.

We recommend building self-esteem by engaging in esteemable acts. One of the best ways to begin this process is by committing to a recovery program, much like that offered by Enlightened Solutions.

Begin Your Recovery Journey Today

If you or someone you love has been struggling with addiction, recovery is possible. Enlightened Solutions is available to help. We have developed an accessible and effective program of care. We work to help our clients restore an imperative sense of self-love and compassion, forgiving themselves for their past mistakes and working towards a brighter future.

Contact us today if you have been struggling with shame and addiction. An experienced staff member will walk you through our simple admissions process, which begins with a no-obligation assessment to determine which level of care is the most appropriate. We look forward to speaking with you and walking you through the process of early recovery. Contact us today to learn more!

5 Dangerous Myths About Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on July 29, 2020. Posted in Addiction, Mental Health. Leave a Comment

One silver lining of the opioid crisis in the US has been to bring the problem of addiction into the open. A lot of people have been personally affected by the opioid epidemic and their experiences have changed many people’s opinions about what addiction is and who struggles with substance use. Along with greater media coverage of the causes of substance use problems, attitudes are slowly changing.

However, there is still a long way to go and some of the persistent myths about addiction prejudice the public against people with substance use disorders and make people with substance use disorders less able or willing to seek help. Some common myths about addiction include the following.

“Addiction Is a Choice”

One of the most pernicious myths about addiction is that it’s a choice. This myth is dangerous because it implies that anything that happens to someone with a substance use disorder, whether it’s job loss, divorce, health problems, incarceration, or death, is their own fault. In this view, any sort of punishment is permissible and anyone who wants to avoid the consequences of substance use should simply quit.

In reality, it’s not so simple. While people who use drugs and alcohol typically choose to do so, no one chooses to become addicted. Many, and perhaps most, people who develop substance use issues begin using drugs and alcohol at a young age, sometimes even before adolescence, when they have little, if any awareness of the potential consequences. This behavior is often influenced by dysfunctional family dynamics, peer pressure, or nascent mental health issues, such as ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety, or schizophrenia. In short, addiction is typically influenced by forces beyond our control and once we realize there is a problem, it’s already very hard to quit.

“Addiction Is Caused By Lack of Willpower”

Similar to the belief that addiction is a choice, many people believe that addiction indicates a lack of willpower or even a weak character. They think that quitting is mainly about showing a little grit and toughing it out. As discussed above, addiction typically has deep roots, including childhood environment, mental health issues, and genes. People do try to white-knuckle recovery but they typically don’t get very far.

In order for recovery to last, you have to get at the underlying causes of addiction. This means treating any co-occurring mental health issues as well as addressing trauma, which is incredibly common among people with substance use disorders. Recovery also entails learning essential skills to regulate your emotions and behavior and improve your relationships. It requires a good support system and healthy lifestyle changes too. Most people need a bit of help to do all of this.

“Once an Addict, Always an Addict”

You’ve probably heard this saying and it’s problematic for two reasons. First, the language is stigmatizing. Labeling someone with a substance use disorder an “addict” is common but also counterproductive. It implies that addiction is the person’s defining–and perhaps only–characteristic. Indeed, it implies they are hardly even a person but rather something more like a drug-seeking missile. Stigmatizing language compounds the shame of substance use and makes it harder for people to seek help.

Second, this saying implies that recovery is not really possible, that no matter how much effort you put into turning your life around, you’re always just one drink away from unraveling. Such cynicism about recovery can make you reluctant to even try, much less persist when things get challenging. In reality, people do make lasting change with the right attitude and the right help.

“You Can Always Spot an Addict”

We all have some stereotype of someone with a substance use disorder, and while there are probably people who fit that stereotype, it doesn’t even come close to encompassing everyone with a substance use problem. If the opioid crisis has taught us anything, it’s that anyone can develop a substance use issue under the right circumstances. While you might suspect the guy begging for change under the overpass has a substance use problem, you might not suspect the lawyer who lives in a nice house or the grandmother who was in a car accident last year.

In fact, people who are professionally successful are often just as capable when it comes to hiding their substance use problem, at least for a while. Sometimes even friends and family don’t suspect someone has an issue. One of the reasons so many misconceptions about addiction persist is that it’s a largely invisible problem.

“Drugs and Alcohol Fry Your Brain”

If you’re old enough, you might remember the “brain on drugs” commercials of the 1980s. Although those commercials are typically remembered with derision, the idea that too much drugs and alcohol can fry your brain still persists. This can make it hard to recover because some people feel like the damage is done, that they’ve ruined their brains, and no amount of effort will make them whole again.

In reality, the picture is more complicated. In some extreme cases, such as early-onset dementia or Korsakoff syndrome, which typically only happens after decades of heavy drinking, brain damage is permanent. There is also some debate over whether the structural changes that often occur in your brain after a period of addiction are ever fully reversed.

However, we also know that brains are highly plastic, meaning the structure will change, depending on what we ask our brains to do. With persistent effort and the right help, you can train your brain to focus, to regulate your emotions more effectively, to weather cravings, and to feel better overall.

Many of the myths about addiction are the result of victim-blaming while others pass as “tough truths.” However, these can perpetuate the stigma of addiction and make it harder for people to get help. It’s crucial to remember that people with substance use disorders are first and foremost people and that they are often people in pain. What’s more, recovery is possible.

At Enlightened Solutions, we know that addiction isn’t something anyone chooses. Few people realize how they got into their particular mess and they rarely know how to get out. That’s where we come in. We use a variety of evidence-based methods to address the root causes of addiction and lay the foundation for a long recovery. To learn more, call us today at 833-801-5483.

Dismantling the Shame Around Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on January 3, 2019. Posted in Addiction, Drugs & Alcohol. Leave a Comment

Of all the emotions we contend with throughout the course of our addictions, shame may be the most limiting and debilitating. Shame keeps us locked in cycles of self-deprecation, self-hatred and judgment. We find it impossible to forgive ourselves. We convince ourselves that we are shameful, immoral people rather than seeing ourselves as growing and learning from our mistakes. We don’t see our missteps as the normal part of our evolution that they really are. We create a self-image based on our shame, and we reject ourselves. Our self-hatred blocks our recovery and makes us seek refuge from our cruelty in our addictions.

Dismantling the shame around addiction is a crucial step in the self-acceptance process. We can consciously choose to shed the stigma surrounding addicts and addiction. We can reject the notion that addiction is not a real thing, that addicts use it as an excuse for immorality and recklessness. We can recognize just how destructive an illness it is and have compassion for ourselves in our struggles. We can see how pervasive and all-consuming addiction can be and commend ourselves for the strength in coping with it. We can choose to be proud of ourselves for not giving up on ourselves and our quest for recovery. We can see our healing and recovery as accomplishments, rather than seeing our addiction as a source of shame.

The shame we feel internally has a lot to do with our culture’s perception of addiction. Addiction is depicted in the same negative light as criminal behavior, homelessness and poverty, all of which are shunned and judged. As a culture we don’t lift up our most vulnerable populations. We don’t seek to uplift, encourage or love them. We reject them from the mainstream culture, making them outcasts. When we shame and shun people, it only causes them to sink lower into the depths of their pain. It exacerbates their existing problems. They become more depressed, more addicted, more likely to act out. The answer is to give more energy and attention to the people who need it, and to give them more love, not less. We can see all of our challenges as testaments of our strength, as special characteristics that add to our uniqueness. We can view our society as comprised of differing personalities, all coping with different and unique struggles that add to their growth and progress.

When we commit to seeing all of us as equal rather than judging people and placing them in hierarchies of goodness, status and morality, we open ourselves up to learning from each other and sharing in the beautiful experience of life. Dismantling shame in ourselves and in our culture is a gift we can give not just to the people living with addiction but from everyone else who can stand to learn from our experience and wisdom.

At Enlightened Solutions, we believe that every addict can recover. We provide the supportive community, care and healing modalities to help you regain your self-love. Call (833) 801-LIVE today.

The Shame Spiral: How Guilt and Shame Fuel Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on July 6, 2018. Posted in Addiction, Recovery. Leave a Comment

The conversation around addiction and addiction treatment has been a multifaceted and complex one over the years. While some would assert that addiction is a disease with genetic predisposition, others maintain that addiction can result from severe trauma. With all of the differing causes and manifestations of addiction, one thing many addicts have in common is the prevailing sense of shame that consumes them- both shame for their addictive behaviors and the pain they cause, and shame for the traumatic events that may have contributed to their addiction in the first place.

Addiction can take on many forms, including a dependence on, and dangerous overuse of, alcohol and narcotics, gambling, love and sex, cigarettes, etc. It can also be an over-reliance on seemingly innocuous things such as work and exercise. Addiction can involve anything one might use in self-destructive ways in order to escape his or her pain and fear.

Human nature has some universal truths, and shame is one of them. Guilt has to do with remorse for particular incidents, while shame morphs that guilt and remorse into an all-encompassing sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Shame can come from anywhere. A parent or caregiver might blame a child excessively for the family’s troubles and convinced him that his behavior was the cause. An addict may have experienced abuse or neglect in childhood, leaving her feeling generally unloved, unsafe and unworthy. Similarly, trauma can come from many sources, from the shock and destabilization of a car accident, to the feeling of abandonment that can come from divorce, separation or death. The pain of being deeply ashamed of oneself can lead an addict to want to run from that pain, choosing a drink or a lover or some other unhealthy behavior instead of safer tools for healing.

Once on the shame spiral, it can be heart wrenchingly difficult to remove oneself. An addict carries shame from his childhood, for example, then engages in addictive behaviors to numb himself from the pain; he hurts himself and others more and more in the process, as shame is compounded exponentially over time. When an alcoholic feels ashamed, her instinct is to drink to feel better. As an addict runs from her shame rather than confronting it head on, she instinctively escapes the pain with the rush of the high from her drug of choice, and thus the shame cycle repeats itself.

The path to healing is different for every addict. One tool for healing everyone can add to their toolbox is simple but not easy, and it involves healing on the spiritual, emotional and mental levels. Forgiveness. Radical forgiveness. Unconditional forgiveness, for yourself and for all of your mistakes and wrongdoings. Forgiveness for those who hurt you, for those who may have contributed to your struggle with addiction over the years, for those who traumatized you and caused you pain. Forgiveness. It feels so much better than the bitterness and resentment. Worlds better than the relentless self-loathing of shame. As you strengthen and heal yourself, place your hand on your heart and meditate on forgiveness.

Forgive yourself. Let Enlightened Solutions help. We provide therapy, mentoring, and friendship. Call (833) 801-LIVE today.

Understanding The Important Role Of Toxic Shame In Addictive Behaviors

Written by enlightened solutions on March 15, 2017. Posted in Addiction, Mental Health. Leave a Comment

Toxic: poisonous
Shame: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior
Toxic Shame: painful feelings of humiliation or distress which can feel like a poison

Toxic shame is venomous. Getting caught in a spell of toxic shame can feel like getting stung by a stingray or a bee. The pain is timid at first, then rapidly spreads and intensifies until it feels like it’s taken over everything. We can’t see past the pain. Such is the same with toxic shame.

Role of Toxic Shame
Understanding toxic shame as playing an important role in addictive behaviors is important. Shame and guilt, both of which can be toxic, are driving factors in addiction. Addiction is in many ways a symptom of obsession and compulsion. We obsess over the painful feelings of humiliation and distress which were given to us somewhere in the past. Eventually, that obsessive thinking becomes too painful to bear, compelling us to take part in a familiar behavior. Addictive behaviors of any kind, from substance abuse to eating disorders, are often coping mechanisms to deal with uncomfortable feelings. Even if they don’t start that way, they usually end up that way. Substances, along with non-substance reliant behaviors, produce a feeling of euphoric relief. Surging levels of dopamine help calm the anxiety, panic, pain, and negativity produced by toxic shame.

According to Shannon Bradley-Colleary, an online 12 step coach who often works with individuals in codependent relationships, “toxic shame is always learned in childhood.” The “consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior” which comes with shame has to be learned. When we are young, we learn best from our parents. Shannon writes that “one or both of our parents either neglected us, or abused us, or made us feel we were somehow wrong or that we should never express or even have negative emotions.” In such homes, difficult feelings like anger, sadness, or fear are often shamed, rejected, and ridiculed. This isn’t because there was anything wrong with our feelings or why we were feeling them. Unfortunately, that is the message we receive. Truly, we had people in our lives who were insufficiently prepared to handle such feelings coming from a child. Most likely, they were ill-equipped to handle those feelings themselves.

Healing shame and codependency or other manifestations of shame is important for recovering from addiction and other addictive behaviors. Enlightened Solutions uses a range of clinical, 12 step, and holistic healing treatments to aid the grief process, create new coping mechanisms, and heal the pain of toxic shame while supporting recovery. For information on our partial care programs of treatment, call 833-801-5483.

Tag: shame