addiction Archives - Page 9 of 27 - Enlightened Solutions

Learning From our Mistakes

Written by enlightened solutions on September 3, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction Recovery. Leave a Comment

Mistakes, though sometimes painful, are an unavoidable part of life. We make mistakes at every stage of our lives, regardless of how much we might try to avoid them. We are human, and part of the human experience is making mistakes. Learning to glean the lessons from our mistakes is an important part of recovering from addiction and mental health issues.

Sometimes we tend to get stuck in the details of our mistakes. We replay what happened over and over again in our minds, we beat ourselves up and continue to judge ourselves long after the mistake has been made. We dwell on the embarrassment and shame we feel. We forget that mistakes are normal and natural, and we hold ourselves to impossibly high standards of perfection.

It is natural to have remorse for our mistakes and wrongdoings, and to genuinely feel bad about them, to want to make amends and redeem yourself. Sometimes, though, we can’t shake the feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness, and we can’t forgive ourselves. This can cause us to totally miss the lessons we could have learned from those mistakes, lessons that might help us avoid those same mistakes in the future, lessons we could share with others to help them along their way.

Life lessons are embedded in everything we do. Spiritual tests are everywhere. Mistakes are a sign of growth and can often cause very rapid growth, because we’re forced to look at things in new ways, address new things, and take on new challenges, often in a relatively short period of time. This rapid growth can lead to tremendous growing pains, especially when our mistakes involve hurting, or being hurt by, others.

It can really hurt to grow and change, especially when we were already unhappy with our starting point, i.e. depressed or struggling with addiction. If we can focus as much as possible on the possibilities for growth, rather than on the embarrassing details of the mistakes themselves, we stand to gain life-changing wisdom that we can use to help ourselves and others. If we can continue to grow, and to grow in self-love, we can get to a place of inner peace, look back at our mistakes and feel they were a necessary part of our evolution.

Self-reflection is so important to recovery, and the community at Enlightened Solutions has years of experience supporting people in their recovery process. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

Why Do We Hate Ourselves?

Written by enlightened solutions on August 31, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction. Leave a Comment

A common theme when it comes to our mental and emotional health is how much we struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. If we don’t consciously work to address these issues, they can manifest as all kinds of problems with our mental and emotional health. We grow to hate ourselves but often don’t know why. Here are some of the factors.

Our Culture

Our mainstream culture creates certain standards, for how we should look, think, feel, act and live. This becomes the status quo, and we are constantly exposed to these standards through the clever marketing of advertising and entertainment. We come to be brainwashed to believe that these things are what we should aspire to, and that there is something wrong with us for being different. We consciously and subconsciously look to these external markings for validation, and when we don’t live up to them, we feel inadequate and inferior. When we aren’t conscious of this process, we can grow to hate ourselves.

Abuse

Sometimes when we experience abuse or violence at the hands of family members, partners or even strangers, we internalize that abuse to mean there is something inherently wrong with us. We come to believe that we aren’t worthy of love, that we aren’t good enough, and that we deserve to be abused. If we allow ourselves to continue these toxic thought patterns for too long and don’t work to extricate ourselves from them, what can result is an overall feeling of self-hatred.

Guilt

Everyone makes mistakes, but some of us tend to hold onto the guilt from our mistakes for years on end. We struggle to forgive ourselves, even when those we hurt have forgiven us, even when we feel our higher power has forgiven us. We see our mistakes not as learning experiences necessary for our growth, but as proof we aren’t good people. Our guilt turns into shame, the pervasive feeling that your actions make you unworthy, unlovable, and a bad person. Your guilt distorts your self-image, and eventually you feel like a monster, forgetting just how common our mistakes actually are in the grand scheme of human nature.

Self-hatred can fuel and compound addiction, depression and any other form of mental illness. It can be so sad, so isolating and so painful to hate yourself. In order to heal from any issue we might be experiencing in our lives, we have to make unconditional self-love a priority in our healing process.

The community at Enlightened Solutions has years of personal and professional experience dealing with these issues. Call (833) 801-LIVE for more information.

Why We Can’t Be Alone

Written by enlightened solutions on August 30, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction Recovery. Leave a Comment

Many of us who struggle with addiction and depression also struggle with unhealthy relationships. Because we are in turmoil, we are manifesting turmoil and also attracting partners who are in turmoil, and as a result, our romantic relationships are often toxic and abusive. There are many reasons we choose to stay in these relationships, with one of the most common and fundamental reasons being we’re afraid to be alone.

Some of us grew up in families separated by abuse, divorce, incarceration or death. Our younger selves grew to be familiar with the feeling of abandonment, and we know how much it hurts. As adults, we’re afraid to have to feel it again. Our fears can feel larger than life, to the point where we are driven by them. We’re so afraid to feel the pain we’ll do anything to avoid having to feel it- that can include using drugs or staying in unhealthy relationships.

Some of us consciously or subconsciously use relationships to occupy our minds and drown out the inner demons. When you’re embroiled in conflict and drama, it’s harder to hear the thoughts that torture you when you’re alone. The same goes for drugs and alcohol- they might temporarily lower the volume on the thoughts that bother us the most. When you’re obsessing about the battle with your partner, you might obsess less about the other battles in your mind.

Sometimes relationships are a happy distraction, and we self-medicate with that high rather than face the painful stuff. We become addicted to the highs of love, sex and affection. In the moment it feels so much better than everything else.

When our relationships are abusive or co-dependent, sometimes our partners threaten us as part of the emotionally abusive cycle, to weaken us psychologically and to make us stay. They amplify our fears and insecurities and chip away at our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. They convince us that no one else will ever love us, that we’re much better off with them than without them, and that if we leave we’ll always be alone. Worse, they threaten us with violence and keep us trapped by the fear they will hurt us or our loved ones. We often stay trapped in these cycles, even when the threats of violence turn real and our safety is at stake.

Addictive relationships- not only do they not take our pain away, they add to the pain and create more. We know this but stay anyway. The cycle persists. Sometimes we’re addicted to the pain. At the heart of it all is fear. Fear of the pain of loss. Fear of being abandoned, of losing the person you love, of losing love. Fear of being alone, fear you’re not strong enough to make it on your own. The fear you’ll be replaced. The fear you’re not good enough.

Facing our fears is an important part of the recovery process. It’s scary, but you don’t have to do it alone. Let Enlightened Solutions help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

Changing Our Energy for Healing

Written by enlightened solutions on August 29, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction Recovery. Leave a Comment

It’s so important when we’re working towards our healing and recovery to have an energy of hope, optimism and faith, rather than one of fear. This is far from easy. Here are some suggestions.

Focus on the solutions more than the problems.

When we’re struggling with addiction, depression or any other mental or emotional challenge, we tend to be focused on the problems we’re experiencing, the bad feelings we feel, the fears we have. How would it feel to give more time and energy to the solutions instead? When we learn about tools and techniques to aid in our recovery, such as support groups, exercise, meditation and creating a spiritual practice, we could choose to focus more of our energy implementing them. Focus on the beautiful possibilities of the future more than you focus on the pain of the current circumstances which are temporary and can be changed. We have the power to change ourselves and our realities. We could focus on the pain of what we don’t want, or we can focus on the manifestation of what we do want. What we focus on, we amplify. The more our focus lies on our recovery, the more likely we are to achieve it.

Believe in your recovery.

When we are in the midst of our struggles, we often don’t think recovery is possible. Believe you can get better, and then embody that belief. Allow yourself to imagine what it would feel like to be in recovery. What would you be doing? Where would you be? Who would you be with? What feelings would you be feeling? What thoughts would you be thinking? Visualize yourself recovered, allow your imagination to take over, and let yourself feel it as though it’s already here, as though you’re already healed. Return to that feeling as much as possible. Imagine you feel light, happy, free, and at peace. Visualize yourself having restored your relationships, having made amends, and you feel redeemed. Maybe you’re sitting in the sunshine without the pressing weight of your addiction keeping you down. Maybe you’re thinking about your future plans, no longer consumed by the need to get high. Feel your recovery as though it’s already happening, and your energy will help to manifest it.

Keep affirming yourself no matter what.

Self-doubt is part of the recovery process. Fear is part of the process. You might fall down, you might relapse. You might have to start from the beginning, all over again. Keep believing in yourself, in your capacity for growth, and in your power to change. Tell yourself you are proud of yourself for every small change, and when you slip up, forgive yourself. Keep affirming that you can recover, because you can. When you believe, you will.

The recovery process means undoing the years of damage the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves can cause. Enlightened Solutions can help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Addiction and Recovery

Written by enlightened solutions on August 28, 2018. Posted in Addiction, Addiction Recovery. Leave a Comment

Our addictions are our fault

Our addictions are a complicated blend of our traumas, our fears, our biochemical makeup and our pain responses. Blaming ourselves for our addictions is simplistic and loses sight of all the multiple factors that can go into them. What would it mean to have more understanding and compassion for ourselves, rather than choosing to blame and judge ourselves?

We should be able to recover alone

We feel guilty for involving other people in our addictions and for bringing them down with our problems. Maybe we’ve gotten help before only to relapse and start using again. Maybe we’ve hurt everyone we love and have no one left who trusts us. Sometimes we are prideful and don’t want to admit we need help. Sometimes we feel so alone we think that no one cares or that no one can help even if they wanted to. The truth is we need other people, and we need community. It’s never too late to find people who care and who understand.

We should be able to quit with willpower.

After years of addiction, our addictive and compulsive behaviors are programmed into our bodies and psyches. We absorb the toxic energies and unresolved traumas of our families. Some believe we can inherit the issues, fears and patterns long established in our families, meaning our addictions go back even further than our lifetimes and really didn’t start with us. When we think we should be able to quit with willpower alone, we’re forgetting that our addictions are deeply ingrained in us and in our families, not to mention our communities, societies and cultures at large. We’re forgetting that there may be genetic factors at play. Our addictions have been developing within us for years, and we sometimes need more than willpower alone to recover.

If we haven’t quit yet, we’re weak and pathetic.

When we can take a step back and look at the bigger picture, we might find it easier to view addicts and addictions more objectively. Whatever the addiction, whatever the causes or reasons or behaviors, addicts are suffering. Addiction is suffering. You’re not weak and pathetic, you’re in pain. Your addiction happens to be your pain response. Many people are self-deprecating, self-sabotaging or masochistic in one way or another. Self-hatred is a common, if not universal, theme in human nature. Your addiction is your personal manifestation of that very human phenomenon. Could you begin to see yourself the way your higher power sees you- a being of light filled with potential and promise and possibility, temporarily caught in the cycles of addiction but powerful enough to set yourself free?

Recovery involves healing our self-image and the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Let Enlightened Solutions help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

The Energy of Addiction

Written by enlightened solutions on August 24, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction. Leave a Comment

Our energy plays a huge role in our mental and emotional wellbeing, and when we are struggling with addictions, our energy can really stand in the way of our recovery. We hold ourselves back from healing with the energies we allow ourselves to carry. Our energy is made up of the recurring thoughts, feelings and beliefs we choose on a daily basis, and the ones that dominate determine what kind of energy we emit. This is the energy with which we manifest everything in our lives, including our addictions and other emotional problems and behavioral patterns.

When we are struggling with addiction, we commit a disproportionate amount of time, focus and energy to our drugs of choice: how we’re going to obtain them, how we’re going to get the money to obtain them, what we need to do logistically in order to get them, how long it’s been since we last got high, how much we want to get high, how much better it feels to be high than not high.

Our addictions cause us to live in fear: fear we’ll run out of our drug, fear we won’t get more, fear we’ll never recover, fear we’ll keep hurting ourselves and our loved ones, fear we’ll never redeem ourselves.

We are consumed with regret. We focus on how guilty we feel for all the wrong we’ve done. We carry shame and decide that we’re unworthy and that we don’t deserve love. We beat ourselves up, for relapsing quickly, or for relapsing after a long stretch of being clean. We dwell on how much we’ve embarrassed ourselves and the people we care about. We can’t forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and we hold on tightly to the painful memories. We have little to no compassion for ourselves, and we judge ourselves at every turn. We tell ourselves we’re addicts and forget all the other parts of who we are.

All of this only compounds our pain and makes us want to escape into our drugs more. The more we carry an energy of fear and self-deprecation, the more likely it is we will block our chances for a successful recovery. The more we hate ourselves, the more we will sabotage our progress.

What would it feel like to change our energy to one of hope, faith and optimism? To choose self-forgiveness and unconditional self-love? What if we focused more energy on the hopeful possibilities of the future than on the difficult struggles of our present circumstances? Could we open ourselves up to healing and recovery by believing they are possible for us and by changing our energy?

Recovery means healing all parts of ourselves. Holistic healing is a major focus at Enlightened Solutions. Call (833) 801-LIVE for more information.

Changing Our Misconceptions About Meditation

Written by enlightened solutions on August 23, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Mental Health. Leave a Comment

Meditation offers countless benefits for our mental and emotional health, including helping us calm our thoughts, manage our emotions, change our limiting beliefs, and react to life with more calm, patience and love. Unfortunately, though, many of us don’t meditate and take advantage of everything it can offer us because we have misconceptions about meditation. These misconceptions are widespread and keep people from even wanting to try to meditate. Here are some of those misconceptions, as well as new ways to think about meditating that will hopefully encourage you to start.

The goal of meditation is to have zero thoughts.

Our minds are complex thinking machines. We think an average of 60,000 thoughts a day. To experience moments of total silence isn’t impossible, but it does take time and practice. New meditators are intimidated by this lofty goal and think that because they can’t shut their minds off, they can’t meditate.

Rather than trying to stop thoughts altogether, a better goal is to slow down our thoughts, calm our minds, deepen our breathing and relax our heart rates. Forcibly trying to remove thoughts can create resistance in the form of mental backlash and our thoughts going into overdrive. Beginning meditators might find that their racing thoughts are even worse than before they tried to meditate, another factor that can dissuade people from practicing.

Rather than trying to remove our thoughts, we can choose something to focus on- our breath or a breathing exercise, a visualization, a mantra or affirmation, or a single focal point such as a candle flame. When the thoughts pop up as they inevitably will, we can practice returning, again and again, to our chosen focus. That is the practice. That is meditation, not the total absence of thoughts.

You have to sit still to meditate.

Many people don’t find it comfortable to sit, let alone to sit still. Walking meditation can be just as beneficial. The practice is the same, just walk as you meditate rather than sitting. You might find this to be both calming and rejuvenating, especially when walking in nature. It’s no wonder people go for a long walk when they need to clear their minds- it helps!

There is a “perfect” way to meditate, with the end goal being enlightenment.

The beauty of meditation lies in the practice. The healing and enlightenment are in the process itself, not in some distant, abstract concept. The growth is in doing the work- returning to our practice even when it’s difficult, even when we’re depressed, tired, busy or stressed, committing to meditate even when we don’t feel like it. There is no perfect way to meditate, and no certain specific milestone when it comes to meditation. The goal is deepening our practice and allowing the healing to come to us.

Holistic healing is an important part of the recovery process at Enlightened Solutions. Contact us for more information.

The Negative Thought Patterns We Cling To

Written by enlightened solutions on August 22, 2018. Posted in Mental Health, Sober Living. Leave a Comment

When it comes to addictions and mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, there are some common factors in how we tend to manage our thoughts and feelings. We tend to engage in certain thought patterns that can bring down our mood, that make us very sad, anxious and afraid, and that exacerbate our mental and emotional health issues.

Over time, we become attached to these unhealthy thought patterns. We cling to them, almost as if we need them, as if they will help us, when they clearly don’t. Many of us are over-thinkers and over-worriers, and we get lost in the anxieties we create. We are pessimistic and come to expect negative outcomes. Some of us automatically jump to the worst-case scenario and catastrophize by default.

For some people these thought patterns can become addictive and obsessive and contribute to OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Fearful thought patterns relating to other people and socializing, our self-esteem and how we fit into social scenes, can become Social Anxiety Disorder. Chronic thought patterns of low self-esteem can morph into inadequacy/inferiority complexes. When we allow our thought patterns to go unchecked, they can become obsessions, complexes and neuroses that can totally derail our mental and emotional health.

One of the subconscious mind’s main functions is to keep us safe, but because our minds have been affected by trauma, they sometimes work on overdrive to keep us afraid. We can find better ways to keep ourselves safe than by following the self-destructive guidance of our wounded ego minds. To do this, we have some work to do to reprogram the subconscious mind and to create new thought patterns.

Many of us struggle with negative thought patterns of anxiety, insecurity, judgment and criticism. These are all based in fear, so to heal them, we can choose to practice new positive thought patterns that serve us better, that are rooted in faith, security, and confidence; compassion, empathy, understanding and love. We can read, write and repeat affirmations that reflect these better feelings. We can meditate. We can give more focus, time and energy to the thoughts that make us feel good rather than to the ones that have been keeping us down. It is possible to reprogram the subconscious mind and to start developing new, happier thought patterns that allow us to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually free.

Training our minds to work with us rather than against us is an important part of recovery. Enlightened Solutions can help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

Food Addiction – Using Food to Escape Our Pain

Written by enlightened solutions on August 21, 2018. Posted in Addiction, Addiction Recovery. Leave a Comment

Some people have a healthy relationship with food. They enjoy eating and cooking, and they look forward to meals. They include food in their celebrations and as part of the quality time they spend with family and friends. Other people have an addictive relationship with food, and just like any other addiction, it can take over their lives in toxic and painful ways.

For many food addicts, food can be comforting and soothing and can become an escape from emotional problems and troubling thoughts. Food addicts often use food to cope with their other addictions. Food can fill emotional voids and serve as a distraction from painful memories. Many food addicts binge, or overeat, long past feeling full or satisfied. They may eat until they feel physically uncomfortable, are in pain, or become sick.

Just like with any other addiction, using food as a coping mechanism provides only temporary relief from our pain. As we come to learn, the pain we don’t face always returns. Over time, as we continue not to address it, it grows worse, and when it returns, it often does so with a vengeance. Our attempts to suppress the pain only compound it, and we create more layers to the pain. We develop more addictive behaviors and find ourselves with multiple addictions to try to recover from. We need food to survive, but when our eating habits have become addictive, food gets mired in all of this pain and no longer fuels us or makes us happy. Instead, t adds to our feelings of sadness, shame, embarrassment and regret.

When we have any kind of addiction, our compulsive behavior makes us feel like we’re out of control, like we’re powerless and weak. We might logically know what’s best for ourselves, we know our behaviors aren’t healthy, but we feel like we can’t stop. We feel like we can’t control ourselves, and this can be very scary. That fear is often another thing that drives our addictions. When we feel powerless and afraid, we escape into the comfort of our drugs of choice.

Food addiction is unique in that we need to eat to survive, so in order to recover, we can’t choose total abstinence from food. Instead we have to develop healthier relationships with food and use it for fuel and enjoyment. We have to tackle our fears, our emotional and mental issues and our addictive behaviors in healthy ways that don’t add to our pain.

Your addictions don’t have to run your life anymore. Let Enlightened Solutions help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

Limiting Beliefs – Creating New Beliefs to Help Ourselves Heal

Written by enlightened solutions on August 20, 2018. Posted in 12 Step Program, Addiction. Leave a Comment

Many of us struggling with addictions and mental health problems have developed thought patterns that we have been repeating for years, often since childhood. With the repetition of thinking them repeatedly, and for years, we start to believe these thought patterns as though they were true. Because we are often driven by the fears stored in our subconscious minds, these beliefs are often fear-based and negative. They can be toxic, self-destructive and self-deprecating. They hold us back, they keep us small, they keep us from living our true potential.

Here are some common limiting beliefs many of us share:

I’m not good enough.

I hate myself.

I don’t deserve happiness, love, success, ____ (fill in the blank.)

I’ll never be happy.

I’m too old to follow my dreams.

I’m a failure.

I’m too fat / ugly / stupid / ____.

Thinking these things repeatedly contributes to our low self-esteem, our self-loathing, our addictions and our mental/emotional health problems.

The good news is we can choose new thought patterns and new beliefs:

I am more than good enough.

I am perfect the way I am, perfectly imperfect, but perfect.

I love myself.

I deserve to have all my heart’s desires.

I can and will be happy.

Changing our limiting beliefs takes practice. We have to consciously choose to practice our new thought patterns. We can do this by repeating and writing our affirmations, using guided meditations, and creating self-hypnosis recordings.

Allowing these new beliefs to take root takes time. Our old negative thought patterns will inevitably return to test us. When they do, we tend to react with fear. We’re afraid we’ll always be suffering with these toxic thoughts and that we’ll never be happy. It helps to have faith that we can heal, that we can gain more and more control over our minds. Try not to fight the old thoughts, as this usually makes the thoughts more persistent. Being afraid of the thoughts and trying to fight them are forms of resistance, which often makes things stronger.

Instead give more time, focus and energy to the new beliefs you’re working to instill. Keep returning to them. Our subconscious minds respond to repetition, as well as to imagination, so as you practice, use your imagination to feel your new beliefs as though you already believe them. Instilling new beliefs to replace the limiting beliefs we have held for years is a powerful way to help ourselves heal from our addictions and difficult mental and emotional issues.

Changing our thoughts and beliefs is important to our recovery. Let the community at Enlightened Solutions help. Call (833) 801-LIVE.

Tag: addiction